Fountain Spews Forth More Than Mead
ROSKILDE, DENMARK—Highly intoxicating mead wasn’t the only strange thing to burst out of a natural spring in Roskilde, Denmark, last Monday night. Unreliable sources confirmed that sheets of ancient parchment were among the discoveries made during a worldwide drunken bender.
“The pages were just floating in the berry booze,” a local resident said as he was being interviewed next to the fountain’s ‘Do not drink’ sign. “The messages were written in some old-ass language, and we were so drunk that none of us could read it. Not even the professor.”
The resident stated that the professor took the parchments home in a box. “I talked to her a few days later and she seemed excited. She was going to show them to an old boss and try to get her job back. There was some sort of lost wisdom on them.”
The unemployed professor was contacted for comment on the discovery. She stated she didn’t have the parchments anymore and insisted they had been stolen from her, and not sold, before she had a chance to go through them fully.
She blamed the theft on secret government operatives, claiming that one page contained highly sensitive information that might lead to worldwide panic. “The writer alleged that masculine and feminine entities shared power as far back as the beginning of time,” she stated, while loading her belongings and a black duffel bag into a rental car. “Who wants power to be equal? Can you imagine the chaos that would erupt if power was redistributed is such a way?”
The professor claimed she was forbidden by her legal team to say anything more. Before the interview was finished, she got in the car and sped away. The phone number she provided for follow-up was no longer in service.
A retired Lost Wisdom Specialist explained that this lost and found and lost again sort of thing happens all the time. “Bits and pieces of ancient wisdom have been found, then lost again, countless times over the last five thousand years. It’s as if there are forces out there that don’t want us to know the truth.”
The specialist refused to specify which forces had cause to keep such wisdom hidden.
In an attempt identify wisdom-hiding forces, Very Important People (VIP’s) were contacted for comment. None would acknowledge that hidden, society-altering, ancient wisdom existed among us, and most certainly not any wisdom that suggested redistribution of power.
When asked what would happen if such wisdom was ever found, only one VIP would respond on the record.
“Well, I’m sure that would violate law and order,” he said. “Unchecked access to ancient wisdom from mead-spewing natural spring-water fountains is the sort of thing that cannot be tolerated in a modern society. What would be next? An un-ban on library books?”
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Witch Graduation Day
Waiting just under the surface…
editor’s note…
Thank you for reading this week’s fictional news story-and-a-half. I hope the “half” answered your questions about the recent mystery of whales attacking boats. Honestly, the confusion over the “why” is baffling when the answer is clearly explained in Friðþjófs saga: witchcraft (aka seiðr) is to blame!
P.S. Did you know The Wyldwood News serves as the official newspaper of the nine worlds found in Norse Mythology and some of the news articles relate to happenings in the Sága’s Fable Mind serial story? To get the full experience, read both! This article corresponds to Episode IV, COMING SOON to Substack.