SUN CITY, CA—Attorney Soledad Rayes on Thursday threatened legal action against users of the Sun. The warning was delivered at a press conference mere hours before the official start of the summer solstice.
Rayes stated that her office has placed numerous entities under investigation for the suspected misuse of the Suns brand. No state, municipality, nonprofit organization, religious institution, or business using the Suns names or images has been spared scrutiny.
“My clients’ brand is a glowing example of warmth and inclusivity. And while the Suns remain freely available to use for personal enjoyment and growth, there are hard limits on commercial uses,” Rayes said. “I have been hired to protect that brand against those who would use it for shameless self-promotion while demonstrating a reckless disregard for the life and liberty of all others.”
A range of infractions that violate the Suns’ Terms and Conditions of Use are being considered for potential legal action, including trademark infringement, misappropriation of name and likeness, and in some cases, even defamation.
“There are just some uses that my clients find morally reprehensible in this day and age,” Rayes continued. “If an entity cannot conduct itself in a manner consistent with the brand, then that users rights are revoked. The same goes for those using harmful practices to destroy the ecosystems which the Suns have lovingly nurtured on Earth for the last 4.6 billion years. Do not invoke a Sun in your name, motto, or logo and then act like an asshole. It’s just common-sense stuff, really.”
A large group of Suns were in attendance to show support for Rayes’ work on their behalf.
When asked for comment, A Buddhist sun goddess was first to ascend to the podium. “We won’t allow the spread of Sun propaganda and disinformation to continue. If you Suns of—”
“My Sun sister, Marici, has every right to be heated about this,” Aurora, Roman goddess of the dawn, interrupted. “In fact, we all felt compelled to rise up and shine a light on the issues we face over the misuse of the Sun. Such egregious misappropriation has caused glaring brand confusion and stunted growth across the spectrum. It also reflects poorly on us as the faces of the Sun family.”
Reporters were blinded by the sudden barrage of sunspots when the other goddesses shook their golden headdresses up and down in agreement.
Sekhmet, Egyptian goddess of the sun and war commented next. “Some relationships just need to sunset, and the quicker the better. It’s not wise to dawdle where the Sun is concerned. Doing so only ever ends one way—with someone badly burned.”
“We are not cold-hearted at our core,” Olwen, the British sun goddess, stated. “Offenders have been given time to repair any Sun damage on their own before legal steps are taken. But this is a sensitive matter and tempers will likely flare up without warning until all this unpleasantness is swept under the horizon for good.”
To avoid legal action, all users must comply with the terms and conditions, or cease all commercial uses of the Suns’ names, images, or symbols by midnight, September 21, 2024, the eve of the autumn equinox.
a notable anniversary…
editor’s note…
Happy Solstice! 🌞 In honor of the longest day of 2024 and the first day of summer, this edition of The Wyldwood News had to be about sun goddesses. While it is largely assumed that ancient sun deities were mostly male, there were actually more than 50 female entities associated with the sun. Nearly every ancient culture on earth mentions at least one female sun deity as a life-giving force in their myths, legends, or fables.
As always, I hope you feel frighteningly ‘illuminated’ by this edition of the news. Or, at the very least, I hope you got your fill of sun puns for the summer. Skol!
I love the education/information at the end!